The best way to fight manipulators is to know who they are.

Isaiah chapter 41
Isaiah chapter 41

Christian Behavioral Analyst Teaches How You Can Identify Manipulative Behavior And Avoid Being Controlled

Via Christianity Daily.

BY ANTON CARILLO

A podcast co-host and behavioral analyst identified the four red flags of a person with manipulative behavior and provided tips on how to circumvent it.

In an article written for Charisma Magazine three days ago, Life Exchange Podcast host, leadership consultant and executive coach Dr. Melodye Hilton emphasized that mistrust can be crippling and even hinder a person in fulfilling God’s call for his or her life.

She stressed the importance of continuously believing that God created each person inherently good while protecting oneself from abuse, such as manipulation. This, she revealed, was something she learned the hard way through her life experience.

Hilton pointed out that the best way to fight manipulators is to know who they are.

She identified two types of manipulators: the subconscious and the conscious. Subconscious controllers, she explained, often feel powerless that they have developed “character traits of taking and getting rather than contributing and giving.” These are people who seem to withhold affection, often give you the silent treatment, conduct mental and emotional games, assume they could read your mind that they know what you need, and seek pity to draw attention.

“These subtle acts are often our silent attempts at meeting our own needs. We all can fall prey to this type of behavior; however, if we remain teachable and hungry for growth and maturity, we have a great opportunity to recognize and overcome these fear-based tactics,” Hilton said.

On the other hand, conscious manipulators are skillful in being dishonest, immoral, and devious. They are fully aware of abusing their power to use another person for self-gain or profit.

Hilton, a prolific author of self-help books, clarified that both types of manipulators make you feel they are the only solution to a situation or problem. They also exhibit the same red flags of manipulative behavior. These are being quickly irritated, having a degrading demeanor, having hard-line reactions or an escalated emotional response to the situation, and using intimidation and threats.

Hilton expounded that manipulators often display irritation whenever they are questioned or challenged for authenticity. This is in contrast to a genuine person who welcomes inquiry, validates principled motives, and supports their claims.

In terms of a manipulator’s degrading demeanor, Hilton revealed that this comes from the person’s portrayal of superiority. Manipulators point out how incompetent you are whenever you request proof of what they are presenting, demand an explanation for their actions, or recommend accountability.

A manipulator becomes more prominent when they suddenly have an aggressive disposition, which happens when they lose their sense of power. This is then followed by threats of harm, rejection, and failure when the manipulator tries to regain control over you or the situation. This enables them to take what they find beneficial from you.

In closing, Hilton underscored the need to protect oneself from the toxicity of manipulators. She said it may take time before one can fully identify if a person is a manipulator. It is good to steer away from them as soon as one sees the red flags.

“We will never lead perfectly, and we won’t always see the hidden agendas of practiced manipulators immediately. However, when the red flags become visible, we must confront them to protect the vision and the precious lives that have been entrusted to us. This process builds us, gives opportunity for change and justice, and gives us the courage to face our future with optimism,” Hilton ended.

30. Identifying Manipulation
30. Identifying Manipulation

Christian Behavioral Analyst Teaches How You Can Identify Manipulative Behavior And Avoid Being Controlled

In seeking to check myself and as the word says to walk with circumspect I have sought out counsel and accountability from brothers and sisters even a professor of Theology (God Bless you brother for meeting me and spending the time with me and your counsel) in how to feel and navigate my role and the roles of others within the church and the body at large.

All are elders, all being well over 70 years of age and having had decades of ministry as their experience in major national / international denominations. One of them is a fellow who is a retired Prison Chaplin and he has ministered to many various people, a great many of whom have the same character flaws that are common to us all but in more extreme measures as one could well imagine you would find among a prison population. Needless to say what I have and am going through in relation to another is not at all extreme, in fact it is pretty garden variety interpersonal challenges. Sometimes the more petty and passive aggressive the behaviour the more aggravating it can be and truly that is the point of such tactics.

What is not so easy about what I am going through (and I think it is safe to say I am at the end of it) is to rack ones brain and soul search looking to identify with the things that are said to me, about me, and the actions others take, some of them less then kind lets just say.

An example is some one who tells you, you have harmed or hurt them in some way that is truly not known to you until they confront or lash out at you about it.

Sometimes this is a mechanism to have you subjugate your self, your healthy boundaries, your own spirit / intuition to buy what they are selling, even if you think it is being used so that the other person can get there own way and have you feel indebted to them or even to gain there forgiveness so that their punishing you will stop because they feel like you have to pay the price for their feelings. Often times the feelings they feel are real to them but you cannot honestly say they are rational or disproportionate to the situation, sometimes people use feelings because there is no way to qualify how they feel and a manipulator knows this and will use it against you if it suits there aim to take / get or control.

RED FLAGS EVERYWHERE… Why do we not listen to our inner man and take heed to the writing on the wall and the signs given…? We live and learn. His mercies are new each day praise The Lord!

So after talking it out with others, listening, coupled with prayer and me clearly defining boundaries I feel I can own what I need to and Thank The Lord not try to accept what another would erroneously ascribe to me and to not receive the “penalty” they would try to dole out to me. Sometimes silence is truly golden even if it is meant to shun and punish you.

I do not bond with many people quickly but if It happens I am in 100%

I have a default mechanism in my heart that hopes for the best from everybody I remotely feel comfortable around and the hope is I will not have to spell out where my boundaries are… It is painfully awkward especially with controllers / takers / getters .

This reluctance to draw the line early is for me a character trait / flaw with a well known pathology. My boundaries are not exceptional or complex, they are the same ones most have and are reasonable ones needed to have meaningful relationships, to be effective in collaborations, and in the work of the Church of Our Lord Jesus.

My soft boundaries (as apposed to drawing a hard line) have allowed me to open myself up to people who really I should have been more guarded with and more honest in my internal thinking / awareness about associations with those who are boundary violators – willingly and unwittingly, where taking / getting / control are issues for them. Not one of us in some facet do not at times resemble these attributes, for some it is a dominate trait and coping mechanism.

I at times am not the best at setting boundaries with people including with those within the body of Christ, I own that and am having to own it less and less as I grow.

Although at times this causes me needless grief it has allowed me to do as The Lord has said: To turn the other cheek, give more to some one even after they rob me, and to walk not one, but many miles with people. Some times it works it’s self out and some times not. When it works out well it is always worth it and there is no need for regrets or hurt.

What I find hard (and this is the child in me) is to deal with the hurt and disappointment that comes from esteeming some one in my heart and mind to a level that is not in keeping with reality. If my respect and esteem is misused / manipulated it is disappointing to say the least and for a man like me challenging to correct.

What I have come to know is that I must own it when I have allowed it, you cannot not take responsibility for some of it esp. if you second guessed your self and let it happen. That is not to say a boundary violator or manipulator should get a free pass. but they should get released with forgiveness by the work you put into giving it to them whether they will receive it or not.

Just as Jesus said lust of another in our hearts is fornication so to is it that the work you put into seeking a dialogue, reconciliation, and forgiveness with another that sometimes can only be realised within our own hearts is the love that we are to have one for another and it is good to have an expectation it will manifest in the world.

So just as lust in the heart is to fornication, forgiveness and longing / wanting to give forgive and make things right in our hearts first even without being allowed the chance to express it outwardly is love and the right thing to do and the work in doing so within yourself is well worth it. Sometimes people will not allow you to love them, they make out to be their enemy, a threat, a force of destruction in their minds. We cannot allow others to harden our hearts and rob those in the future best of us. Every good and perfect gift comes from God.

It takes two to tango, sadly as we all have experienced that there are and will be those in our journey and walk that despite extending the olive branch and seeking to reconcile with them they are not willing or able to give it to you or allow you to give it to them. For some that truly is not want they want and in deed they will deny you the chance to do right by them and yourself. It keeps them in control. The take and get control at the expense of a healthy relationship and future together.

The desire for a dominate position, to be right at all cost, or be the only one who’s opinions or feelings matter for them (and we have all been there as well lets be honest) is blinding them to the truth that you never wanted to have to move on in life, your ministry with out them.

77 times.

Forgiveness – Matthew 18:21-22

21 Then Peter came up and said to Him, “Lord, how many times shall my brother sin against me and I still forgive him? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus *said to him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy-seven times.

The phrase “seventy times seven,” which we first encounter in Genesis 4:24, is a certain number used to signal an uncertain, nearly indescribable amount. It is a very old Hebrew / Jewish way of saying endless.

When it come to forgiveness you cannot even begin to count when the other party will not even once seek your forgiveness and understanding. We can have all the righteous motivation to do so, a willing spirit to give it with out a condition or the threat it will be revoked, but with out the other party seeking forgiveness and or reconciliation we have to trust that The Lord sees what is in our hearts and is with us when we realise  and so do release another from relationship with us. Your well being matters to not just you but as always The Lord.

So with all that being said I suggest the following reading, it is what inspired me to write this to you this afternoon although it diverges quite a bit from what I have shared in my writing it I hope makes the connection in your thinking.  My take away is this: “Controllers “…character traits of taking and getting rather than contributing and giving.” All red flags and it is not judgmental to take heed to these things and govern oneself according to what is loving and healthy.

 

Christian Behavioral Analyst Teaches How You Can Identify Manipulative Behavior And Avoid Being Controlled

Via Christianity Daily.

https://www.christianitydaily.com/articles/15624/20220419/christian-behavioral-analyst-teaches-how-you-can-identify-manipulative-behavior-and-avoid-being-controlled.htm

A podcast co-host and behavioral analyst identified the four red flags of a person with manipulative behavior and provided tips on how to circumvent it.

In an article written for Charisma Magazine three days ago, Life Exchange Podcast host, leadership consultant and executive coach Dr. Melodye Hilton emphasized that mistrust can be crippling and even hinder a person in fulfilling God’s call for his or her life.

She stressed the importance of continuously believing that God created each person inherently good while protecting oneself from abuse, such as manipulation. This, she revealed, was something she learned the hard way through her life experience.

Hilton pointed out that the best way to fight manipulators is to know who they are.

She identified two types of manipulators: the subconscious and the conscious.

Subconscious controllers, she explained, often feel powerless that they have developed “character traits of taking and getting rather than contributing and giving.” These are people who seem to withhold affection, often give you the silent treatment, conduct mental and emotional games, assume they could read your mind that they know what you need, and seek pity to draw attention.

“These subtle acts are often our silent attempts at meeting our own needs. We all can fall prey to this type of behavior; however, if we remain teachable and hungry for growth and maturity, we have a great opportunity to recognize and overcome these fear-based tactics,” Hilton said.

On the other hand, conscious manipulators are skillful in being dishonest, immoral, and devious. They are fully aware of abusing their power to use another person for self-gain or profit.

In closing, Hilton underscored the need to protect oneself from the toxicity of manipulators. She said it may take time before one can fully identify if a person is a manipulator. It is good to steer away from them as soon as one sees the red flags.

“We will never lead perfectly, and we won’t always see the hidden agendas of practiced manipulators immediately. However, when the red flags become visible, we must confront them to protect the vision and the precious lives that have been entrusted to us. This process builds us, gives opportunity for change and justice, and gives us the courage to face our future with optimism,” Hilton ended.

Isaiah chapter 41: “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God…”

Isaiah chapter 41
Isaiah chapter 41
Isaiah chapter 41

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish.”

Isaiah chapter 41 context: https://kjbo.org/Isaiah-Chapter-41/

Psalm 48 – The Glory of God in Zion

Mount Zion rejoices, the villages of Judah are glad because of ...

48 Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness.

Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is mount Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King.

God is known in her palaces for a refuge.

For, lo, the kings were assembled, they passed by together.

They saw it, and so they marvelled; they were troubled, and hasted away.

Fear took hold upon them there, and pain, as of a woman in travail.

Thou breakest the ships of Tarshish with an east wind.

As we have heard, so have we seen in the city of the Lord of hosts, in the city of our God: God will establish it for ever. Selah.

We have thought of thy lovingkindness, O God, in the midst of thy temple.

10 According to thy name, O God, so is thy praise unto the ends of the earth: thy right hand is full of righteousness.

11 Let mount Zion rejoice, let the daughters of Judah be glad, because of thy judgments.

12 Walk about Zion, and go round about her: tell the towers thereof.

13 Mark ye well her bulwarks, consider her palaces; that ye may tell it to the generation following.

14 For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.

PSALM 47

The Purpose of the LORD Fulfilled - Psalm 47 Sermon From August ...

47 O clap your hands, all ye people; shout unto God with the voice of triumph.

For the Lord most high is terrible; he is a great King over all the earth.

He shall subdue the people under us, and the nations under our feet.

He shall choose our inheritance for us, the excellency of Jacob whom he loved. Selah.

God is gone up with a shout, the Lord with the sound of a trumpet.

Sing praises to God, sing praises: sing praises unto our King, sing praises.

For God is the King of all the earth: sing ye praises with understanding.

God reigneth over the heathen: God sitteth upon the throne of his holiness.

The princes of the people are gathered together, even the people of the God of Abraham: for the shields of the earth belong unto God: he is greatly exalted.

Psalm 47
Psalm 47

Psalm 46

Psalm 46 King James Version (KJV)

46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

HaTTiP  ~ @karenthorpe

“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.”

Papyrus Oxyrhynchus 5101, oldest known Greek language copy of Psalm 46. Public Domain File:POxy LXXVII 5101.jpg Created: 20 June 2013

“Papyrus Oxyrhynchus 5101, designated P.Oxy.LXXVII 5101 (LDAB 140272; Rahlfs 2227) contains fragments of a manuscript in Koine Greek of the Septuagint (LXX), written on papyrus in roll form. It has been palaeographycally dated to have been written between 50 and 150 C.E.” ^^Wikipedia  HaTTiP: VIA POxy.v0077.n5101.a.01

 

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